Q: Who the hell is Sheldon Kopp?

A: Some dead psychotherapist

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9501E3D81239F 930A35757C0A96F958260#

I really didn't expect a quote by "some dead psychotherapist" to generate such a response, but I'm glad it did because the discussion (and Bob's link)  has enabled me to really look at the quote and perhaps understand it more clearly.

The statement again: "If you have a hero, look again; you have diminished yourself in some way."

I think all it's suggesting is to not put yourself down.  Kopp was all about helping people's self-esteem, after all.  The person you admire may be able to things better than you can, but there are probably things that person can't do as well as you can.  I think the idea here is to not view the object of your respect and admiration as being better than you.

That's my impression, anyway.

QUOTE: Seems the point of all these sites is to look cool and collect "friends", yet not actually have meaningful interaction with any of them.

It seems that way.  I get these invitations all the time from various sites and I confirm these requests pretty much just for the hell of it (or maybe I'm just too soft-hearted to press the 'Reject' button) but I rarely, if ever, hear a peep from these people afterwards, even from folks I know personally.

A nice, juicy thread, thanks Andrew <g>.

I like being 'in-between' myself: not making a huge difference in the world, but trying to make a difference to the ones I love immediately around me.

I don't feel any urge to set lofty goals for myself, focusing instead on small, acheivable, personal ones. I try not to be overly concerned about what others have done with their lives, simply enjoying mine as best as I can.

Mark Waldman wrote: I'm not sure what the sites do.  On Facebook, friends "poke" you - is that supposed to be fun?  It's a way of communicating, I suppose, but why not just e-mail, phone or meet in person?

I don't think the social networking sites are intended to replace those means of communication -- it's just another way of interacting. A "poke" is just a silly way to tell one of your friends that you're thinking about them and would like to hear from them. Maybe you don't have anything to say at the moment, but would like to strike up a conversation. It's the equivalent of an email saying "What's up?" but less intrusive. Of course, you can also email through Facebook, and an IM service was recently launched as well.

Mark Waldman wrote: Seems the point of all these sites is to look cool and collect "friends", yet not actually have meaningful interaction with any of them.

I will agree that MySpace seemed to be all about collecting as many friends as possible, but Facebook seems to have a different dynamic. Usually the people you see on a Facebook friends list are close buddies, relatives, schoolmates, co-workers, friends who have moved out of town, etc. I have all of the above on my friends list and I chat, email, share photos, play Scrabble and chess with them, etc. Chatting and emailing can be done elsewhere, of course, but some of the other applications are slick and fun.  

Mark Waldman wrote: I work with youngish people and they don't see what I mean and think Facebook is cool and a way to connect in some meaningful way.  All I see is superficial communication and on myspace, tons of Spam.  I think if you can't pick up a phone and make a plan to see friends, they're not really friends anyway and having them on a social networking site doesn't strengthen the bond.

Unless it does. What you might be missing is that Facebook and MySpace are kind of like interactive address books and many people use them to make initial contact with a friend and then they pick up the phone and call them. It's an adjunct to real-world relationships, not a replacement for them.

For example, when I want to see a new movie and my first-string movie buddies aren't interested, I make a note in my Facebook status update that I'm looking for a movie companion (including the movie title) and my friends jump in to let me know if they want to come. Sure, I could call 20 friends and keep getting rejected or I could send an annoying email that some people won't care about, or I could use Facebook to put out the word and let interested parties contact me. The Facebook solution works best for me.

I have become closer friends with my former college roommate, two of my cousins, and a guy who was a classmate in 2nd grade as a result of interactions on Facebook. After a few superficial contacts we started hanging out offline too. My 2nd grade classmate will be coming to my wedding in August, which is pretty darn cool.

One of my other friends re-met an old high school sweetheart through MySpace and their emails led to phone calls ... and finally marriage.

And my favorite social networking story involves my foster son, who came to my house as a 10-day old baby. His 17-year-old sister (who was in a different foster home) posted poetry on her MySpace page about their mother's bad choices. When her mother's cousin came across her on MySpace and friended her, the cousin started approaching the Department of Social Services about adopting the baby and their 7-year-old half-sister. A few months later a family had been created -- due to one of those superficial contacts.

While these social networking sites are not for everyone, I have found that they have affected many lives (including my own) in positive ways. I am personally not a fan of text messaging on a phone because it is usually less efficient than email or a phone call -- but it is an important method of communication for other people. Email and IM have allowed me to remain in daily intimate contact with my brothers, sisters, and best friends even when I live 2000 miles away from most of them -- and so far Facebook has helped me even more with that.