*****

See, now that would have been enjoyable. Aside from the twelve issues of Perez art, Crisis (as I remember it) wasn't that much fun, especially as it plodded into the later issues.

***

And soon after that story was over we all forgot about it and it was never, ever mentioned again.

MILLENNIUM was just a bad story not worth telling. ARMAGEDDON 2001 was much the same. (And I guess nobody thought about how both had titles that were going to become anachronistic -- especially the 2nd series.)

At least INVASION! was straightforward and, yes, entertaining. Aliens attack Earth, superheroes lead the world in fighting back! And that's it. Fine by me. 

But really, I don't know that I've yet seen a company wide crossover that was worth the effort. Maybe IDW's "Super Secret Crisis Wars" - that was tons of fun! - but not really any others.

I keep hearing that Marvel's ABSOLUTE CARNAGE is, surprisingly, a really fun read. Hard to believe, but I never thought I'd enjoy reading about Venom (Eddie Brock), and from what little I've read of Donny Cates' VENOM series, by god, somehow he did it!!

But Eric is right about ARMAGEDDON 2001. There might have potentially been a good story in there somewhere (Archie Goodwin was writing it, after all) but the execution was completely botched -- and, to repeat myself, the title was a bad idea. Did DC editors forget that DC Comics was likely to still exist in 2001? And that these crossovers tend to lead to Real Change, not the illusion of change? (Almost always a bad thing.)

Comics writers seem to rarely think about how the choices they make will affect matters in a few years time. This is why Magneto is still a Holocaust survivor, when that should've been proven to be a hoax, a false memory, years and years ago.

*This is the Dawn Grainger version of Dove.  When DC introduced the female version of Hawk (Dawn's weird ass never before mentioned step sister), I was extremely happy when she was killed off (and hopefully never ever ressurected again).

But I also enjoyed CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS!  I was a fan of the Multiverse, but I was open to seeing what DC was planning.  (Of course, much of the fun of CRISIS was visiting all the parallel Earths, even if it was only to see them one last time.)

It was the CONFUSION after CRISIS that was the problem.  Endless patches for the new continuity (Really, Black Canary was now a JLA founder in place of Wonder Woman?  Did she karate chop all those super-powerful aliens WW went up against in those early adventures?) were an endless turn-off--and they're STILL patching!  Instead of one thing to remember ("Hey kids, there's a second Earth with older versions of the characters you love!"), now there would be hundreds of little fix-its that nobody (including the writers and editors) could keep track of.

I don't know if it was my age or if it was the fallout after CRISIS, but that's when I stopped buying DC and Marvel too.  I lasted through JB's run on SUPERMAN, but I know I didn't finish Perez's WONDER WOMAN stint.  I had already started buying independents and I continued with those for a time, but I know I quit altogether for a few years.  What brought me back was certain artists and writers.  That made sense for the independents (Yes, Image got me back into buying comics! Jim Lee's WILDCATS, Erik Larsen's SAVAGE DRAGON, and even the Liefeld and Silvestri stuff got me coming back to the comics shops on a regular basis) but it made less sense for Marvel and DC.

When I was a kid, I bought DC and Marvel--the whole universes (or as much as I could afford, eschewing the war and western stuff and maybe a few others).  As an adult--and this continues to present day--I followed and bought the talent.  I think CRISIS (and maybe similar crossovers at Marvel) changed the way I bought comics.  I'll buy anything that Neal Adams, John Byrne, or Jim Starlin draw, and I'll check out the latest projects of Howard Chaykin, Jim Lee, Bryan Hitch (see? it's not all childhood nostalgia for me!), and some others.  CAPTAIN AMERICA is still my favorite, and Ed Brubaker's eight years there teamed with awesome artists like Steve Epting and Butch Guice were a dream come true--but I can't follow it since then.

You know there's something wrong when I would love to give Marvel and DC $200 a month to buy favorites like CAPTAIN AMERICA or SUPERMAN but they're not making anything I want--the continuity confusion, company-wide crossovers, and constant rewriting of history are too off-putting.  But the reprints are great!

And... Ice, from the JLI! Super-popular character from a super-popular series! Fans will want to know more about her! How many origins and backstories should she have? Hmmmm... I'm thinking at least two! And however many result from trying to fix that! Wow! SO glad we streamlined this! Everything is SO not confusing now!

Creators seemed in a big hurry to correct one another and write over one another's stories in a rush to put out THEIR version of how this went or that happened. The past (that thing we were SUPPOSED to have divested ourselves from) was actively strip-mined so that we could read THIS story again in a brand-new context! And THAT story again, but now with different participants! And we can explain again how any of THIS happened when everyone in the story is no longer in canon. Um, guys...? The storytelling's in THAT direction... Y'know? Forward? Can we go THAT way, please? No? Want to re-show us some other story you liked as a kid now re-done by you, the way it always should have been? Okay. Fine. I'll just be over here... not reading your books.

In general I found so much of the patchwork and idiotic explanations insulting not only to the original stories and storytellers, but insulting to me as a reader. What was done to shore up and fill in the past of the Legion was a hot mess of convoluted stupidity. The death of the pocket-U Superboy was probably the worst written thing I had ever seen in comics to that point. The headache-inducing stupidity of everyone spouting their own favorite cliche at his funeral was unendurable. "He was the best of us." "I'm going to miss him." "I loved him, you know." Oh, god. DC paid someone money for this? Really?*

So much, so very very much, of what took place after was so poorly thought out and badly written I felt insulted being asked to pay for DC's barely sketched out guesswork. 

That Deadman mini-series erased everyone's work with the character after the original Strange Adventures series. Ever read it? You know what did NOT need to be done to make that story work?  Erasing anything. Boston's brother Cleveland could just as easily have been killed now rather than back then. The "reveal" of a Black Adam-style previous Deadman (yawn...) could have taken place at any time. But hey, Crises gonna Crisis, I guess. 

Crisis was a supposed exercise in streamlining and clarification that created nothing but inferior knock-off versions and endless, self-contradicting confusion. The number of redundancies shot upwards after the event at an alarming rate. 

In all honesty, I must admit there are actually five stories that took place after Crisis having anything to do with it that I enjoy. One makes little or no sense but has a kind of wonky Silver-Age charm to it. That's Grant Morrison's Post-Crisis "Flash of Two Worlds" from Secret Origins #50. Now, instead of having to explain Earths One and Two at the start of your story, you have to explain how Keystone City vanished from the map for twenty years or more, all of it's highways and roads leading to... someplace...? And no one noticed. For more than twenty years. Because of a giant violin. Have fun doing that forever. I think everyone's just ignored it since.

Peter David's retelling of the Justice League's origin in Secret Origins was a fun time. Nonsensical, but fun. The tree joke was funny. Really, I think it's Eric Shanower's art that makes that story for me. Same with his inking on The Legend of Aquaman... in which we discover that Aquaman's outfit is what he wore in prison. They didn't stick with that, did they? Having all the bad guys in Aquaman suits? I mean, yeah, sure, it's a deterrent, I suppose. One nice thing about being in prison in Atlantis, when you drop the soap, you don't have to pick it up. It just floats there where you can get at it again.

Then there's Alan Brennert's retold origin for the Black Canary in SO #50. Whoever it was who didn't like Joe Staton (you and I can never be friends, btw) should stay away, but seriously, there has never been a more heartfelt and moving re-examination of a character's history ever. Yes, the Roy Thomas wacky incest-fest that was his take on the modern BC's origin** was the kick-off point for this tale, but don't hate it for that reason. It rights the ship in good order. Brennert incorporates BC's entire history and makes it something thematically sound and genuinely moving. Highly recommended. Unless you don't like Joe Staton, and then, I can't even understand anything about you... (shakes head) :-) (I'm kidding, by the way.)

Brennert's Deadman story in Christmas With the Super-Heroes #2 enjoyed editorial approval at the highest level and deservedly so. The mysterious "Kara" is exactly the right person to counsel someone on heroism for the sake of applause. If you know anything about her history and how long it took for her to even appear in public, this story has a decades-long wind up for the solid, emotional punch that it delivers. And again, it couldn't have been possible if not for the Crisis, unfortunately. It remains the best answer yet given to the giant "F.U." DC delivered to its readers on a monthly basis back then. 

So, there you go. Even I, who have not good thing one to say about Crisis ("George? One more page of everyone looking gobsmacked and stupid, okay? No, I know, but I promise, another completely blank one is coming up soon...") still have five stories I can look back on fondly in the Post-Crisis era. That's five out of... how many has DC published since 1987? ****

* Yes, in real life people say stupid things at funerals. Doesn't mean your characters are pinatas filled with wonderfulness for being just as stupid on the page.

** Sing it with me...*** "Now, many many years ago I left GCPD, I was married to a florist who was pretty as could be. This florist had a grown-up daughter who had hair of black. She thought she was her mother and two worlds went out of whack..."

*** Sung to the tune of "I'm My Own Grandpa."

**** Batman: Year One doesn't require the existence of Crisis any more than his Dark Knight did. That would be my sixth choice if it did. Killing Joke is another that could easily exist out of continuity and, with that photo of the Bat-Family on his dusty old bat-computer, I'm pretty sure still does. 

Am I wrong or is BATMAN: YEAR ONE just part of "Frank Miller World" now?  (Along with DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN, and, I suppose now, SUPERMAN: YEAR ONE.)  I don't think it lines up with pre- or post-CRISIS (or FLASHPOINT or whatever) Batgirl's life.