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Olav Bakken
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 11:40am | IP Logged | 1 post reply

If anyone wants anything to read in these corona days, maybe this weird piece of fanfiction could be something (not written by me in any way). From chapter 1:

Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

"Hello, neighbor! I was wondering if you have been saved," Hagrid exclaimed brightly; and tipped his wide-brimmed, straw cowboy hat.

Aunt Petunia laughed a gravelly laugh; and leaned forward on her sturdy, practical boots. "Saved? Don't tell me you are you one of those Christians?"

Harry did not know what that word meant; but Hagrid's smile was the most peaceful smile he had ever seen. It made Harry feel warm and happy inside just seeing the glowing, radiant grin on the kind, friendly stranger's face. He wondered why Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon did not smile like that...

"Yes, I am," Hagrid replied kindly. "Are you?"

Aunt Petunia laughed again; and stuck her pointy, sharp nose up in the air. "We are too smart for that. Haven't you read Dawkins? God is dead! Dawkins proved that. Would you like us to educate you on the Dawkins?"

"What is a Christian?" Harry queried innocently; and scuffed his shoe on the shaggy, yellow carpet which had not been vacuumed in quite some time.

"Christians are people who want to be good," Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. "We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?"

Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious.

"Heaven is a beautiful place where we can be with God."

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry's young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, "Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven't you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things."

Hagrid laughed wisely. "Evolution is a fairytale. You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Yes, I do!" Aunt Petunia screeched.

"Well then prove it!"

Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn't even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!


Edited by Olav Bakken on 21 May 2020 at 11:48am
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Brian Miller
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 11:43am | IP Logged | 2 post reply

Shouldn't this go in the fanfic subforum?
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Olav Bakken
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 11:46am | IP Logged | 3 post reply

Somehow it slipped my attention that there is a fanfiction subforum. I took a look at the top of the page here and couldn't find any, but notice there is one when I visit the main page. If a moderator is around, it can be redirected there (it doesn't seem to be a delete function here).


Edited by Olav Bakken on 21 May 2020 at 12:05pm
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Brian Miller
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 2:58pm | IP Logged | 4 post reply

Have you been looking at the X-MEN web series our host has been
providing?
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Olav Bakken
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 3:14pm | IP Logged | 5 post reply

No, I must confess that I haven't. I'll take a look.
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Brian Miller
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 4:06pm | IP Logged | 6 post reply

Itís in the fanfic sub forum.
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Peter Martin
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 5:41pm | IP Logged | 7 post reply

Hagrid laughed wisely. "Evolution is a fairytale. You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Yes, I do!" Aunt Petunia screeched.

"Well then prove it!"

It was then that Petunia produced her mobile phone and showed Hagrid gallery after gallery of photos from the fossil record. She also pulled up comparisons between the DNA of the great apes. Futhermore, she challenged Hagrid to propose an experiment that might disprove evolution.

Sadly, Hagrid couldn't do it.

Turnabout being fairplay, Petunia then asked Hagrid what was his evidence for God.

He shuffled his feet. "Well, there's this book, see," he said. "Or really a collection of books, all put together in one book."

"I see," said Petunia. "When was this written?"

"Well, a long time ago. I'm not really sure."

"And who wrote it?"

"Well, I'm not really sure."

"Any other evidence?"

"Well, there's this cornflake, see. And if you look closely, you can see the face of Jesus!"

Harry beamed at this. What further proof could be needed?
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Olav Bakken
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 6:18pm | IP Logged | 8 post reply

Peter Martin:

I posted it because I found it found it hilarious, not because I agreed with it (in case anyone was wondering).

Your own continuation of the story is very entertaining as well.
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Vishwas Aragam
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 7:19pm | IP Logged | 9 post reply

So Iíve only read thru chapter 4, does the author explain why Hermione
has a different last name than her father Reverend Dumbledore?
Seems very non-traditional. Also Iím Interested to see where they go
with Voldemort.
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Peter Martin
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 8:50pm | IP Logged | 10 post reply

No worries, Olav. My riposte was aimed at the text. Didn't assume you necessarily agreed with it. Kind of apt that the believers are the ones who lean toward magic, but I detect a very slight bias in the author.
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Tim O Neill
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 9:38pm | IP Logged | 11 post reply



Fan Fiction is such a different forum since JB started posting his X-MEN:
ELSEWHEN series that it seems cruel to the writer to send this awful content
there.

I thought the Fan Fiction was created for members to post their own work - not
links. I can't recall anyone posting a fan fic link, and based on this I hope it's
the last time!


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Olav Bakken
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Posted: 21 May 2020 at 10:39pm | IP Logged | 12 post reply

Vishwas Aragam:
Intriguing. So far I have only read the first couple of chapters myself.

Peter Martin:
Everything is fine. Yeah, the author may not be completely neutral.

Tim O Neill:
Calm down. I found it very funny and thought that others may appreciate the part I quoted as well. As for the link, I always add a link to where I quote from when I post quotations.
Not sure what kind of posts this forum is meant for, as it looks like it's a little bit about everything. Therefore a topic I hadn't posted before or seen anyone else. But I'm reminded people have different tastes and preferences, so I'm not gonna post anything more humorous in the future, possibly with the exception of a reply if the context allows it.
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